16 Things It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

 

 


by Dave Barry

1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.

3. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.

8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human
race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that
word would be "meetings".

9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
annoy people who are not in them.

10. (Deleted)

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person.

13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
seriously.

14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.

15. Your friends love you, anyway.

16. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.