Celebrity Quotes



1) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a
woman I don't like and just give her a house." * Steven Seagal

(2) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's
not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it,
have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the
wrong house." * Jeff Foxworthy

(3) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball
and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
without even considering if there is a man on base." * Dave Barry

(4) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should
treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you,
they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance
pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a
temp." * Bob Ettinger

(5) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they
weren't trying to teach you how to swim." * Paula Poundstone

(6) " A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of
that study: Uh, duh!" * Conan O'Brien

(7) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm
halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my Goodness. . I
could be eating a slow learner." * Lynda Montgomery

(8) "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day
Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner." * Roseanne

(9) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of
people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and
the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
* Richard Jeni

(10) "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead." * Johnny Carson

(11) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
geography." * Paul Rodriguez