Dumb Criminals



When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline
and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told
the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted
to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a
mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in
the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic
for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't
realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly
knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of
money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds
each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police
officers easily jumped him from behind.

The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected
of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it because
he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested
him for breaking into the school.

Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac,
Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor
said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's
jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to
be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge
could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and
laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from
Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its
valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were
clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on
the side of the truck.

Oklahoma City - Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer.
Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair
job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton
was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then
said, "I should have blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused,
then quickly added, "-- if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took
20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence.

R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their
squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When
he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of
identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it
into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because
information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a
two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

Police in Chicago sent Cubs tickets to people with outstanding arrest
warrants. When they arrived at the game, they were promptly arrested.