Bits and Pieces #1

 

 


1. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
and give the wrong answers. -- A Bit of Fry and Laurie

2. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

3. The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain,
involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The
hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": fighting, fleeing, feeding,
and mating. -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro
course

4. What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the
unfit, to do the unnecessary. -- Richard Harkness in the New
York Times, 1960

5. Slogan of FM105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of
all the radio stations in Chicago... we're one of them."

6. With every passing hour our solar system comes 43,000 miles
closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and
still there are some misfits who continue to insist there is no
such thing as progress.

7. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

8. Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench
to pound in the correct screw.

9. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?" The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want
fries with that?"

10. Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had
years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet,
make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. --
Dave Barry

11. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

12. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices. -- William James

13. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of
tapes hurtling down the highway. -- Andrew Tannenbaum

14. We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom
that is in it -- and stop there, lest we be like the cat that
sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot
stove-lid again -- and that is well; but also she will never sit
down on a cold one anymore. -- Mark Twain

15. There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in
the streets? -- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

16. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving
an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life --
without even considering if there are men on base. -- Dave Barry

17. I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that exist
seemingly for the sole accommodation of these so-called limerick
writers -- and even sicker of their residents, all of whom suffer
from physical deformities and spend their time dismembering
relatives at fancy dress balls. -- Limerick from Ireland

18. When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

19. Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your
triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion
Chinese couldn't care less.

20. 668: The Neighbor of the Beast

21. Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather
straps. -- Emo Phillips

22. Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

23. Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize
a mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones

24. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to
learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for
their apparent disinclination to do so. -- Douglas Adams, Last
Chance to See

25. As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not
important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying
me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so.
-- Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan attorney

26. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist,
a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the
God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you
don't believe?" -- Quentin Crisp

27. Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between
two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the
imaginary rights of another. -- Ambrose Bierce, #019, The
Devil's Dictionary

28. I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick
and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up
in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not!
But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am! -- Monty Python

29. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
-- George Carlin