Clever Quotes #1

 

 


"Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad."
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"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair."
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"I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I Called In Dead."
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"Husband and Cat Lost... Reward for Cat."
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"Be Nice to Your Children... They'll Pick Your Nursing Home."
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"Husbands Should Come With Instructions."
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"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This
Time."
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"I Want It All and I Want It Delivered... Now ! "
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"Life Is Hard; Then Your Not Here."
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"Bigamy Is Having One Wife Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same."
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"Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton."
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"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt."
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"Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes... Use Birth Control."
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"60-Year-Old, One Owner, Needs Parts... Make Offer."
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"If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them
on My Knees."
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"If You Can Read This...Kiss A Teecher."
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"A Nest Isn't Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the Attic."
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"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!"
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"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up."
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"My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink."
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"I Yell Because I Care."
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"If You Remember the '60s, You Weren't Really There."
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"Procrastinate Now."
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"Rehab Is for Quitters."
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"Re-Elect Nobody."
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(Across a drawing of a skeleton) "Waiting for the Perfect Man."
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"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse...
.... He Couldn't do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse."
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"My Dog Can Lick Anyone."
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"Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups."
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(On a baby-size shirt) "Party - My Crib - Two A.M."