Two Cows

 

 


Democrat:

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on
your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money
to pay the tax.

The people you voted for then take the tax money,
buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

Socialist:

You have two cows. The government takes one and
gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

Republican:

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
So?

Communist:

You have two cows. The government seizes both
and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

Capitalism, American Style:

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull,
and build a herd of cows.

Democracy, American Style:

You have two cows. The government taxes you
to the point you have to sell both to support a
man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

Bureaucracy, American Style:

You have two cows. The government takes them
both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

American Corporation:

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back
to yourself and do an IPO on the second one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk
of four cows. You are surprised when one cow
drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are
reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

French Corporation:

You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.

Japanese Corporation:

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

German Corporation:

You have two cows. You engineer them so they
are all blond, drink lots of beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run
a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
per year.

Italian Corporation:

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

Russian Corporation:

You have two cows. You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many
cows you really have.

Taliban Corporation:

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's
private parts. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew
them up while they were in the hospital.

Polish Corporation:

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.

Florida Politics:

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best,
vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell
you which is the best-looking one.