10. Promises to improve foreign relations
9. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin
Sheen's character on "The West Wing."
8. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That
Bob Vila guy."
7. Outstanding record as Governor of Texas
nullified by the fact that no one really cares.
6. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing
Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut.
5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state
or the DC thingie?"
4. At the debates, answers every question with a
snarled, "You wanna wrestle?!?"
3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and
free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.
2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as
possible, then shouts, "I win!"
..and the Number 1 sign your presidential candidate
1. On the very first question of the debate, he
attempts to use a LIFELINE."