I'm in Phoenix

 

 


May 30th: Just moved to Phoenix. Now this is a city that knows
how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket.
(Uhhhh yeahhhh cuz I couldn't stand up) It was beautiful. I've
finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning
into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants
today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No
more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
(Keep Commin' Back - dummy)

July 4th: We drove up on South Mountain to take in the view
overlooking the city to the north and the surrounding farmlands
on the Indian reservation to the south. I counted no less than 18
of those mini-tornados of the desert called dust-devils. This must
be the southwest's version of fire-works.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How
do people get used to this heat? (LOLLLL) But getting used to
the heat is taking longer than I expected. At least it's kind of windy
around sundown everyday. Yesterday all the trees on our street
were knocked down by the wind blast. They tell me that only
occurs once in a while.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 2nd degree burns over
60% of my body.) Missed 2 days of work, what a dumb thing
to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun
in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Jerry (our cat) sneaking into the car when I
left this morning. By the time I got back to the hot car for lunch,
Jerry had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded
all over the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that he ran
away. The car now smells like Kibbles and Kitty poop. No more
pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind stinks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!
And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the
AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed
to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
$1,500 in darn house payments and we can't even go inside. I
didn't know that I was allergic to massive amounts of mosquito
bites. How do they survive the heat? I feel like I am living in a
Pizza oven. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 113 degrees. Finally got the air- conditioner fixed
today. It cost $500 and is bringing the temperature down a little.
Stupid repairman peed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th: If another wise Dude cracks, "...but it's a dry heat", I'm
going to tear his throat out. Darn heat. By the time I get to work
the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell
like a dead cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and
sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my butt was on
fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. I
tried to lift my butt off the seat by grabbing on to the steering wheel
and got third degree burns on my hands!! Now my car smells like
some kind of burnt offering and fried cat guts.

Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a darn recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do crap for 2
darn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next
week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren darn desert?? Because
of the water rationing $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and
blow into the darn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this heat.

Aug. 11th: We saw our first sand storm today. They even showed
it on TV as it blew across the valley. A wall of dust 12,000 feet
high advancing on the metropolis like something out of a Japanese
science fiction movie. They never told us that it is frequently
accompanied with light rain and hail. The car NOW looks like it
was used in some kind of mudhog derby. The light aluminum
awning I put up for shade looks like someone tested a couple of
thousand ball-peen hammers on it. And it only cost $150 to have
the pool filter replaced.

Aug. 12th: I got the water bill today. $536 and that's because I
tried to keep the cactus alive and the pool's automatic filler never
shuts off. We have been trying to keep the area around our house
a little cooler with this new misting system that everybody says
works. All I see when I turn it on is a cloud from the roof line to
about eye level that disappears into steam.

Aug. 13th: Today we got the electric bill. $642 for running the
air conditioner day and night to cool the house down to about
90 degrees.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the darn windshield out
of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "...but it's a dry
heat", My husband had to spend the $1500 house payment to
bail me out of jail.'