1. During your initial consultation he tries
sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is,
they high-five each other.
4. He picks the jury by playing
5. During the trial you catch him playing his
6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my
7. A prison guard is shaving your head.
8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack
Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a
9. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the
10. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally
McBeal once said ..."
11. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v.
12. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The
judge is the one with the little hammer,
13. Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes
those little quotation marks in the air with his
14. The sign in front of his law office reads
"Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
15. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells
the judge, "Whatever."
16. He giggles every time he hears the word