You Know You're Not a Kid Anymore When...

 

 


You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
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You can live without sex but not without glasses.
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Your back goes out more than you do.
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You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
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You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
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You are proud of your lawnmower.
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Your best friend is dating someone half his age...and isn't breaking any laws.
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You call Olan Mills before they call you.
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Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
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You sing along with the elevator music.
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You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
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You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
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You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
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You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
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People call at 9:00 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
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You have a dream about prunes.
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You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"
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You send money to PBS.
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You still buy records, and you think a CD is a certificate of deposit.
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The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of you pants.
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You take a metal detector to the beach.
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You wear black socks with sandals.
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You know what the word "equity" means.
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You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.
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Your ears are hairer than your head.
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You talk about "good grass", and you're referring to someone's lawn.
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You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
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You got cable for the weather channel.
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You can go bowling without drinking.
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You have a party, and the neighbors don't even realize it.